When in doubt/ in stress, go out and breath in some fresh air!
Feels so much better now!
Just met up with a friend whom I've lost contact with since about 10 years ago.. Kind of glad he found me again. Like he said, thanks to Facebook/ Mark Zuckerberg, it is so much easier to keep in contact with your friends and family now. Also easy to find someone you have lost contact with for sometime!
Anyway, am glad it does not feel awkward. We had charcoal steamboat the first time we met again and we had steamboat again today. He didn't realize that we had steamboat previously as well because he's a steamboat person. Have not met anyone that likes steamboat as much as him like it is an ordinary frequent meal choice. Haha..
We were just having random talks and catching up on our life stories and some how he notice that I sigh a lot.. I think I did that too often that it has become a habit. I would not say it was really a sigh. Just like a deep breath.. kinda thing. Not sure why I do that so often but I guess sighing is really a bad thing like how people say, Sigh once and you will get bad luck for 10 years! Well, I seriously hope that's not true or else I'll be having bad luck for all my life! *gasp*
I always feel like my study and work journey has been pretty messed up and I am still in a mess at what I am doing right now. I have no one to point at besides myself for not standing strong on my decision. Somehow, this friend was very motivating and encouraging. Saying all the positive things. I am always impressed with people who are being very positive. Am not sure why it is so hard for me. Things always doesn't feel right to me and when I try to repeat to myself that things are going to be alright, it feels like I am lying to myself. I wonder if this is how low esteem people feel. It is not like as if I choose to be negative. It just feels more natural to me. Like as if I am meant to be like that. I guess this is the dark shadow which is hard for me to come out from.
People say it is easy to comment/give opinion on something not related to ourselves. I find this very true about myself. Always feeling/saying like, how hard can it be? when it is about something/someone else. I would even have the courage to help them out to complete what they dare not do. However, when the I am the one who is in the situation, I feel all weak and cowardly. How many of you actually felt this way before? One of the reason I do not like to bring to discussion/talk about what I do for a living is this. I would say things are not going to well and people would give opinions like, Well, you can do this... or that.. and I would go like but... how? Sounds like a person who gives a lot of excuses, huh? Sounds like the spoon feed culture =/
I have also heard from a few people that What you like to do do not bring food to the table. To be honest, from my stand point of view, I find this really true with a few exceptional cases where a very small amount of people are actually living a good life doing what they like to do best. These are really lucky people. I guess we don't have to do what we like best as a job. We just need to find a job which will allow us to be able to do what we like best to be happy doing what we like. Did I lost anyone here?
Anyway, I guess that's enough for today. Spilled too much beans out of the bag and I hope I did not just spread my negative aura :0
Good night.
